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this is what it is to make love with someone you’ve built a life with for 10 years~

the boy

the man

the man, snapping at his father

the father, harumphing off like a petulant child

   older

   on new meds

   for anxiety,

   depression.

my father

   older

   picking us up at the airport

   unnecessarily

   b/c there is lyft

   but there he is

   family

   father

this man

   father of our child

   she nestles into him

   laughs over octodad

   sings harmonics with him

he carries her in to bed

   it is late

he pitches the tent

   breaks down the tent.

there is a depth

   10 years of getting to know him

   new things, still, being discovered.

   about him

   about me

   about what it is

      to build a life together.

we know what it is

   to trigger each other

   to be our worst, most tired,

      selves with each other

   sometimes to literally hate each other.

but, this, here

   is as good as it gets

this, here,

   is the human experience

   the experience of relationship

   the dance of the best there is

   which is

   being with someone

   through thick & thin

   through time

&

   the feeling

   of planning to be with someone

   ongoingly

   for the rest of possibly my entire breathing life on this planet

   in this body.

we have sex

   i do not cum

   it is not the thing

the gold here~

   feeling his body

   on me

   in me

   one human

totally unlike hot, anonymous sex

   the fucking of fantasies

no.

a body with whom

even so close

I have some defenses up

&, still,

they are fewer

I am more open

I feel more safe

than with most anyone else on the planet.

I cry

   here & there

   there is no need to explain

   just tears that are there

   released, usually, as soon as we lie next to each other

   1st thing

   housecleaning

&

   there are tears @ the end

  @ this human experience

  @ this being with someone

like this

   fingers intwined.

& i get up

to write this

‘cuz the words rise up

this is the cumming.

the sense of us

   on a bed

   on a planet

   in 100s of 1000s of years

   of humans

living, dying, wailing, crying

living, laughing, suffering

birthing, dying.

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