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The last performance was a bit of a pivot. There was a mishap. She came on me for a double suspension, the rig lowered, she felt it, immediately grabbed the ring and pulled her weight off me. It was still lowering. I landed on my top front teeth and lip. It happened fast.

We were lucky; it was the gentlest wake up call I could have had – that I can actually get seriously injured or die doing this. We’ve each been shaken in our own ways; I think she was more shaken than I that first night. For me, it is working its way through my system. It is still somewhat of a mystery what happened and I may need to come to terms with the fact we may never completely know. There have been learnings all around, for the club, for each of us.

I have signed up for my first bondage intensiveĀ as a rigger, this weekend, and I am grateful Winter has agreed to be my model to practice on. It’s a baby step but I won’t be going back up until I know a lot more.

In 5 years I envision myself with silver hair, somewhere on this ongoing path whose each turn is the exhilarating unknown. I will look back on that night with acknowledgement, and appreciation, for the pivot in the road.

(Model: Antonia Kao, Rigger: Winter Nawa, Photos: Michael Sundin)

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