7 years ago, tonight,
i was @ the hospital
having chosen to go there after planning a homebirth
having chosen fentanyl and an epidural (both of which i was grateful for).
@ 4 in the morning my whole body broke out in shakes
& i honestly had no idea how this baby inside was going to make her way outside.
it was wed. morning and labor had begun on sunday night.
@ 5:27am, she was born.
ari was there
hospital midwives whose names i don’t know
we became parents.
we had no idea what we were in for
what an _incredible_ experience it has been
nothing can compare.
here she is, sleeping on daddy’s chest, maybe that first week we came home.
tonight, 7 years later, she is sleeping next to this same man, with that same sense of safety.
here i am, 7 years younger, palm against her belly, @ peet’s.
we spent a lot of time there, and she still feels really comforted and safe with my hand on her belly. sometimes, near sleep, she’ll move my hand there.
here she is, crawling all over my canvas, and life
& asleep on my back
during the making of this, the only ‘art’ i did those first years of her life:
it has been the most intimate relationship i have ever experienced
the most testing
the most ongoingly growth-catalyzing
i can’t believe that tomorrow morning, at 5:27am, when she is still, likely, asleep, she will be 7, and we will have been parents for 7 years.
she’s now 2/3 my height – a fierce, whipsmart, joyous, life&people&party&animal&FUN-loving kid. her own person. [here’s a recent photo of her with grandpa, aunt & uncle, and their pooches.]
and we, ari and i, are 7 years older, 7 years closer to death, 7 years totally-different from before she entered our lives.
tonight, i am exquisitely grateful for this life i’ve been gifted, that includes the experience of getting to mommy this human.