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7 years ago, tonight,
i was @ the hospital
having chosen to go there after planning a homebirth
having chosen fentanyl and an epidural (both of which i was grateful for).

@ 4 in the morning my whole body broke out in shakes
& i honestly had no idea how this baby inside was going to make her way outside.
it was wed. morning and labor had begun on sunday night.

@ 5:27am, she was born.
ari was there
the doula
hospital midwives whose names i don’t know

and
voila!
we became parents.

we had no idea what we were in for
what an _incredible_ experience it has been
nothing can compare.

here she is, sleeping on daddy’s chest, maybe that first week we came home.3171507580_ee1948f9f6_o

tonight, 7 years later, she is sleeping next to this same man, with that same sense of safety.

here i am, 7 years younger, palm against her belly, @ peet’s.
we spent a lot of time there, and she still feels really comforted and safe with my hand on her belly. sometimes, near sleep, she’ll move my hand there.

3495316467_f70d71805a_o

here she is, crawling all over my canvas, and life3840945719_6cd776ed77_o

& asleep on my back

4073601796_0f19ca8964_o

during the making of this, the only ‘art’ i did those first years of her life:3985431324_1ca08f3805_o

it has been the most intimate relationship i have ever experienced3996424412_6bfbaed90b_o

the most testing
the most ongoingly growth-catalyzing

i can’t believe that tomorrow morning, at 5:27am, when she is still, likely, asleep, she will be 7, and we will have been parents for 7 years.

IMG_2537she’s now 2/3 my height – a fierce, whipsmart, joyous, life&people&party&animal&FUN-loving kid. her own person. [here’s a recent photo of her with grandpa, aunt & uncle, and their pooches.]

and we, ari and i, are 7 years older, 7 years closer to death, 7 years totally-different from before she entered our lives.

wow.
time flies.
life flies.

tonight, i am exquisitely grateful for this life i’ve been gifted, that includes the experience of getting to mommy this human.

thank you.

 

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2 thoughts on “7 years

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