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life
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purpose

i’ve watched this a few times today:

i’m touched, inspired by this capable, articulate, gorgeous woman who is my sister.

we share the same genes.

i have recognized in the past – and in moments recognize in the present – the same qualities within myself.

had some grief, today, though, in the car, after wandering solo around target: what the h*ll am i doing, at 44, not having stuck with any field/job/career or “made” something of myself?  the only thing i have stuck with is being my adventuring self. how do all these disparate and broad aspects of my experience and self come together? how do i share my enormous gifts? how do i do this alongside being the primary SAHP unschooling? i know i _am_ doing it. it is just i am in a quiet spot, after 95 Rituals, and before the Anna Halprin classes start up again in the fall.

for now, a pause.

patience.

spirit needs this time.

we went to a memorial service & burial recently:
my cousin. 38. in the prime of life.
he got a flat, pulled over, called AAA, called his wife to say he’d be home late.
a young Asian woman, under the influence, drove into him at 70mph and he died.

he lived a very good life.
i felt this, at the memorial service.
brief, but good.

he had deep relationships.
he had a spiritual path and practice – buddhism.
he practiced compassion for all beings.
knowing all this, it is easier to let him go.

when someone has his/her stuff in order
then when they pass, there is not the added suffering of loose ends.

there was _life_ gathering at the celebration of steve’s life as well.
what a treat to see many of my cousins
and their children (!), many of whom i had not had the chance to meet as yet

IMG_2240

anja’s 2nd cousins; the next generation.

what does living a life ‘in order’ look like?

at peace. expressed.

the other day, helen basically told me “enough already!” regarding my editing myself because of my parents. “you are 44. just do what you want!” i said “i know. i am.” and i am. the throat chakra and energy body are opening.

the above was her response to my email to family that i felt i’d “found my peeps” the first time I visited Anna Halprin’s Wed. night Performance Lab.

i don’t actually know if those are “my peeps” but i will join them come fall and we’ll see where that leads.

xo

a.

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