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there is a lot going on all around me

someone dear is entering chemo today, tomorrow, or the next day.

a friend’s friend and his family, including their son, were tortured and murdered.

people are packing and moving.

people are here from all over the world to dance on behalf of Anna Halprin’s 95th bday.

in a dyad Authentic Movement session Sun.

i began

w/all this noise

all these currents

all around me.

& then

the one grounding thing

was toning.

walking in circles,

hand tracing the wall,

tears sometimes coming in waves

circling

circling

making sound.

I am grateful for studio space to ground, to hear the consistent tone, to sense the consistent light, in the midst of all the currents all around.

————————-

i noticed last night

(this has come up a few times)

a certain resistance to being told what to do.

Anna directed us in a twist last night

that lasted upwards of 30 min.

to one side

w/o the matching 30 to the other side.

i was so done by 20 min. into it

i opted to switch sides ‘against’ direction.

later,

i chose to rise to her challenge to me

to walk with the lower back spiraling a certain way.

i chose to keep focused on her guidance through the class.

i figured,

i am here,

i may as well choose to do what i am told

to explore what value there might be here.

there is a form to Authentic Movement,

and to Ashtanga

and i follow that form

rarely feeling ‘resistance’ or ‘rebellion’

for i have embraced the form.

with Anna

it’s interesting to note the resistance.

maybe i am not totally convinced of her way as yet.

or maybe my greatest interest is in moving from the inside out

with the compelling pull of honoring my voice.

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