we are in Taiwan now, and i am blogging for ‘the masses’ here ( https://anjastuff.wordpress.com/ ) and uploading a photo journal here: ( https://www.flickr.com/photos/divine-eye/sets/72157651970226831/ )
this, however, feels like the space for my more ‘Antonia’ thoughts.
this morning, experiencing a post i shared on FB, and seeing the response from so many corners of my life, i become aware of the many worlds i traverse, and have always traversed.
a friend R mentioned this the other day: i am part of many different communities.
it is a ‘soft’ skill, or ability, that has come just from the life i have led, and one that i am glad to take a note of.
i have often wondered: who/where are ‘my peeps’? or who am i here to serve? & it feels good and important to feel that convergence in the people who gathered for The Threads Between Us, and the people who gathered around these recent Taiwan FB posts.
i notice there is a little, sad, side of me, too. there are certain areas of life – e.g. funny or sweet childhood cultural experience stories – that are easier for people to embrace, and there are many other, perhaps more ‘out there’ sides of me that don’t seem to so easily see the light of day.
i have felt sad that it seems the members of my extended Taiwanese family – cousins, etc. – could give a sh*t about ‘art’ i do, for example.
only, um, i guess i must admit that i invited very few of them to “like” AK’s Unfettered Blab Lab (my ‘artist’ page on FB) simply b/c _i_ presumed it would be of no interest to them.
many of the cousins on my dad’s side are still very much in extended Taiwanese community. it is interesting for me to see their relationships through FB. the moms post and receive a lot of response and positive feedback (sometimes nearly 100 likes) for simple images of delicious food they made. having immigrated from Taiwan to the US after early childhood, they very much have created wide circles of Taiwanese friends who gather for food and fun.
what a specific and different world Sonoma County is. there is an aspect of feeling alone for me there. an i-don’t-completely-fit-in.
sometimes i have thought: maybe i’d fit in better in Berkeley or SF or something.
but then i realize: the ‘i-don’t-completely-fit-in’ feeling, in many ways, comes from inside.
i straddle many communities.
perhaps i will always feel that.
perhaps it is a gift.
and: at 44, the more relevant question is: how do i simply belong wherever i am? how do i bring that belongingness to everyone in my circles?
people have often given me the feedback that they feel an immediate sense of ease, comfort, or safety around me, that they know they are in ‘nonjudgmental’ space.
i know that aspect of me: i easily give people the benefit of the doubt.
how do we ever know where someone is coming from, what lies in their past, or simply in the day they are having?
it is good for me to be apart from that CA Sonoma sustainable living, “beloved” festival, nature-tribe connection-Weav*ing-Earth-style, life/relationship coaching, ‘consciousness’, warm-hug-to-say-hi-and-bye world. and to remember completely other ways of living, being in, and seeing the world.
i feel a certain exhale of relief in my system.