i’ve been barking up the wrong tree.
that is why thinking in terms of ‘workshops’ or ‘1-on-1 sessions’ or ‘healing’ ‘services’ is not working for me
it is not in alignment with my gifts
what i do blurs the line btw. ritual, facilitating space, art, participatory/communal/performance/interactive art
it is situation/space specific
it is intended to catalyze new vision/experience in people
to give us a connection/glimpse of something far greater than ourselves
this is my gift
this is what i’m supposed to be doing
i can tell b/c of the Great excitement and ‘a-ha!’ and fear and right-ness i feel when an email like this comes in:
Hi Antonia, I believe that X mentioned that you did incredible performance art….I am wondering if you could tell me more about it [and] if you thought it might be a good fit for our opening reception at the art show…[at a Birth & Movement Center]. Thanks so much and I hope you are well… Y
The last time I felt this lit up was a month ago when a local artist friend invited me to be part of a small Valentine’s gathering of artists doing performance/expressions with each other on the topic of love.
suddenly remembering standing naked with magazine cutouts of women all over my body, performing at some event in Taiwan as part of The Renaissance Figure studio, an art model coop, 2 decades ago.
wow. i’ve been doing this in different ways without ‘trying to’ for a long time.
incredible compassion, tenderness for myself for the frustration with myself for ‘spinning my wheels’ for so long, for not knowing. gratitude for the panoply of life experiences i’ve been gifted with, that all perfectly prepares me.