had a conversation w/Ari
he pointed out the difference btw. privacy and shame
he doesn’t want people to see us f*cking
he doesn’t want people to know his bank account log in password
that is privacy
i realized what i’m fascinated with
shame means hiding
hiding feels like it makes my world smaller
revealing feels scary
and my whole life i have been attracted to going where it’s scary.
it’s not like i have to
or necessarily want to
share everything with everyone.
does my father
need to see me cumming in a non-porn-like way?
i think the answer is no.
is it just that i want to bust through my own shame?
and once that is done i won’t actually want to work with others around their shame
or carry it out into some sort of helping/service profession?
i don’t need to know where it’s going.
i just know i am drawn to people’s vulnerabilities.
i am fascinated by their secrets, and mine.
i am drawn to living in the biggest
most connected way
and shame feels like a limitation.
secrets feel like separation, disconnection.