had a conversation w/Ari

he pointed out the difference btw. privacy and shame


he doesn’t want people to see us f*cking

he doesn’t want people to know his bank account log in password

that is privacy


i realized what i’m fascinated with

is shame

maybe b/c

shame means hiding

hiding feels like it makes my world smaller

revealing feels scary

and my whole life i have been attracted to going where it’s scary.

that said

it’s not like i have to

or necessarily want to

share everything with everyone.

does my father

need to see me cumming in a non-porn-like way?

i think the answer is no.

is it just that i want to bust through my own shame?

and once that is done i won’t actually want to work with others around their shame

or carry it out into some sort of helping/service profession?

i don’t need to know where it’s going.

i just know i am drawn to people’s vulnerabilities.

i am fascinated by their secrets, and mine.

i am drawn to living in the biggest


most connected way


and shame feels like a limitation.

secrets feel like separation, disconnection.


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